May Showers

Any day but today, I thought, and I would be fine. Any day but today, I told myself, and I would be able to delicately place the veil on her blonde waves and not wish it was her lacing up my dress. Any day but today, I insisted, and Ian would not be tainting everything. But that was a lie. And I knew it.

It happened exactly one year ago. Morgan knew this, but today was the day Clayton had chosen. All because they had to move on the 30^th, so they had to leave for Vienna on the 18^th, so they had to have that stupid white rice thrown on them on the 17^th. I know, I know. It makes sense. The glorious stars have aligned their shining selves for the perfect wedding day to be today. God it makes me want to vomit.

Of course, most girls should only have to remember the day that everything began- not the day it ended. I thought we would be that way too. But we weren’t. Now that rainy Friday afternoon in May consumed me. The green t-shirt he was wearing, the way his dark hair glistened with rain drops, and the hint of his Burberry Brit that lingered on my pull-over even after he left… Regret and questions knotted themselves in my stomach once again and I could barely breathe.

“CLAIRE!” Morgan interrupted as she stood in front of me with her dress half-on. How long had she been calling my name?

“I need some help here! It starts in less than an hour and all you’ve been doing is staring out the window and I swear, if you’re thinking about Ian, I…”

I cut her off. “Stop. You know I’m over him it’s been months now.”

No, it’s been a year. Exactly a year you know that, I wanted to say. I guess she forgot… Again.

“I was just looking at how pretty it is outside. But not as pretty as you,” I laughed as I tied the ribbon up her back. “You really do look amazing Morgan”

“What do you mean, pretty? It’s raining. On my wedding day! AND I have a huge zit on my chin and my waves are already starting to fall. Clayton’s going to leave me at the altar if I don’t fix something!”

“Well, first of all, I like the rain and second of all, you’re psyching yourself out! Your skin is flawless and your hair looks just like you wanted- beachy blonde. He’s not gonna be able to contain himself.”

“Yeah you’re right. I look great!” she smiled and flipped her hair as she turned towards the mirror.

Today was her day. I was trying, I really was. But Ian was all I could see.

“Hurry up!” he yelled as we sprinted through Termini Train Station. “It’s leaving NOW!”

“Wait are you sure this is the right one?!” I asked frantically as I searched through my bag for our syllabus that was dog eared, highlighted, and starred three times with the train number headed to Florence.

“YES! Jesus Claire just trust me!” And with that he lunged up the stairs of Train # 312.

Against my better judgment, I grabbed his outstretched hand and let him pull me onto the train just before its wheels started to turn.

Somehow the two of us had ended up on the same Metro that was to arrive at Termini exactly 2 minutes before the train left. I had allotted one hour to get there from my apartment, when it really only took half. My walk to the metro station was interrupted by rain, which never happens in Rome. He was just running late. As usual.

We made our way through the small corridor and finally found an open cab. I threw my backpack onto the overhead rack and collapsed into the seat. As I began to catch my breath, I pulled out the syllabus. Surrounded in pink were the words: Florence Trip- Departure time: 2:45 PM. Train # 321.

“Good! We made it on the right train!”

“See. I told you.”

Just to double check, I glanced out the window towards the platform we just left. Then I saw it. In red lights was the number 312. Destination: Salerno. Not number 321. Not Florence.

All I could do was sit and stare. Ian was the last person I wanted to end up alone with in a foreign city. And I knew he felt the same. I was angry at him for being an idiot, but more at myself for following his lead.

Dammit I was doing it again! Morgan’s wedding, Morgan’s wedding, Morgan’s wedding. Focus. On. Morgan.

Susan popped her head in the door. “Okay Morgan! It’s time.”

Susan had been with Morgan from the beginning, helping her pick out everything from the daffodils for the table centerpieces to the raspberry filling in the cake; she was the perfect wedding planner.

Morgan fluffed her hair and dabbed her lips with gloss one last time. “Okay. I’m ready.”

Soon we were behind the closed doors of the chapel and I could hear Pachelbel’s Canon playing softly in the distance.

It was one of my favorites- I even suggested it when Morgan was searching for ceremony songs. Ian had always played it for me on lazy days when all we had to do was listen to the light drops on the rooftop. We loved the rain because it reminded us of that day on the train… The day everything changed.

“I cannot believe you let us get on the wrong train!” I snapped once I had collected my thoughts. “And I’m here with you. Out of all of the people studying abroad with us. You.”

“You can be a real bitch, you know that? It was an accident. Contrary to what you may think, I don’t want to be here… with youuu… either.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

We sat in silence for the remainder of the ride.

I snatched my bag off the rack as soon as we pulled into Salerno and climbed down the steps. Directly in front of me stood a quaint little town and a deep blue ocean behind it. It was kind of pretty here…

Ian was quick on my heels and nearly slammed into me as he jumped off the train.

“Look. All we have to do is catch a train from here to Florence.” He dragged me to the train schedule.

I skimmed the list. “The next train doesn’t leave for another 3 hours. It’d be dark by the time we got there.”

“And it’s still pouring,” He added.

“And who knows what could happen to the train in this weather.”

“So… we’re staying here?”

“I mean it makes sense, right? We can just get up early we’ll get there by noon.”

I smiled at him. For once we were on the same page. Woah, this is weird, I thought. We’re actually getting along. Now, with the rain pouring down around us, I noticed how blue his eyes were and the way his arms looked in his damp shirt.

That realization began our romance that would last for nearly a year.

“Claire, it’s your turn now,” Susan handed me my rose bouquet. “Right, left, right…” She trailed off as I followed the other bridesmaids. As maid of honor, I was the last one to go before Morgan. “Good luck, love." I turned to say to her nearly too late. "You’ll be great.” She winked at me and pulled the veil over her eyes.

Clayton was beaming at the end of the aisle. He’d been ready for today to come since the night he met Morgan at that UT Law banquet. She had originally been my best friend Matt’s date, but none of that mattered now. The look in their eyes said it all.

When it came time for the vows, Morgan handed me her bouquet. Seeing that twinkle in Clayton’s eyes as he slid the ring down her slender finger nearly killed me. I’d seen that look before. And I was crazy to let it go.

“I can’t do it anymore, Claire. I just can’t.” Ian was upset. Clearly. But he wasn’t yelling, he was composed… This was something he’d put thought into. Something he'd seen coming for awhile.

“Why,” I sobbed. “Please I promise they’ll change their mind. I’ll make them!”

“No they won’t you know they won’t! I’m not good enough. I’ve always known that.”

He stared at the floor. He didn’t want to have to say it out loud. “And it’s not just them, baby. It’s you too.”

“But...” I was at a loss for words. “But I love you.”

“I love you too…” His voice started to crack.

He brought me against his chest and ran his fingers through my hair. He was wet but I didn’t care. He couldn’t really be breaking up with me… Could he? All through senior year we had been IanandClaire. One was never seen without the other and all we did was laugh about how much we used to hate each other, and fantasize about our future, and whisper at night when all we could hear was the rain… No, this couldn’t be the end.

“We’ll be ok. I know we will. And who knows, maybe someday we’ll run into each other again on a train” He tried to laugh but it wasn’t funny.

As he pulled away from me, all I could manage to get out was “Okay.”

As we made our way into the reception, the only thing I could think about was how dumb I was to let him go. He was right though, after years of my parents drilling in the so-called perfect traits of a male companion, he didn’t measure up.

“Time to toss the bouquet!”

“Great…” I muttered. “Just what I need.”

I forced myself over to the dance floor and waited in the back of the crowd as Morgan counted down.

“Three, two… one!”

And the bouquet was flying through the air. Right… towards… me? I looked down, confused, at the roses I held in my hands as the other girls groaned and sighed. As I brought my eyes up, Morgan was in front of me smiling brightly.

“See! I knew you’d catch it!”

“No you didn’t. You never said that.”

“Well, I hoped you would.”

“Ok…” Still confused, I walked over to the bar.

Just beyond the bar, I could see the rain clearing up outside of the window.

“Odd weather, huh” said the bar tender as I approached.

“Yes,” I started to grin. “Yes it is. But I think it’s about time for a change.”