She woke up that morning
Cheery and bright
Because her first date was coming
It’d be a magical night
It took her more time
To get herself ready
As she put on her makeup
Her hand wasn’t steady
The outfit was chosen
Her shoes on her feet
The doorbell just rang
She was nervous to meet
The cute boy from class
With the blue dreamy eyes
Who walked through the door
With a pleasant surprise
Tulips and daisies
There in his hand
She didn’t know yet
But the night was all planned
As they walked to the door
He kissed her just right
It turned out to be
A magical night
Out of your other poems you posted, I really liked this one in particular. I appreciate the continuity you had throughout the poem in beginning and ending the poem with a "magical night". I like the melody of the poem and how easily it read. The subject of the poem is clear and the girl's experience precise which helps the audience relate to the action in the poem. The few critiques that I have has to do with some of the word placement. For instance, the word "because" in the third line and "just" in the eleventh line take away from the melodious flow of the poem and could be removed without having an adverse effect. Also, something that I would have enjoyed to see is more adjectives that would support the "magical theme" you wanted to infuse within the poem. Rather than state the magic, it would have been effective if the audience was made to see and feel some of the magic of the night.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Emy on the magical themed adjectives. I think that could be fun. I thought all in all it was great, a very cute poem depicting a girl on her date night very well. I was just wondering if you had a reasoning for keeping the middle so long. I feel like it would be easier to read if you split it up a bit maybe, but if you have a reason I didn't realize, keep it!
ReplyDeleteHi Kassie, I liked all three poems. The last two have a whimsical lightness and humor that I liked and which I think is nicely developed with the structure and rhythm, but I also liked the attempt to depict lost dreams in "Spaceships." I'll offer some specific suggestions in class. dw
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